Routes to Romance Read online

  Gareth raised an eyebrow, tilting his head. "You set us up together... So that you could have someone to double date with?"

  "That's not the only reason... Look, what I'm trying to tell you is that my relationship with you is just as important to me as my relationship with Sarah. Just because I'm with her now doesn't mean that I don't want to spend time with you, hell, I need to spend time with you, you've kept me sane these last few years."

  "But what if-"

  "Gareth, please... If nothing else, just try it out ok? I'm not saying you have to get married but... What's the harm in being happy for a while?"

  Gareth winced. "I haven't been completely honest with her."

  "Then fix that, it's not too late. The longer you leave it the more damage is going to be done." He slapped Gareth's thigh, before standing and walking away. "Stop holding yourself back man, you deserve something good."

  Gareth watched his back as he left the room, putting his head in his hands and sighing, "Do I really?"

  • • •

  Maggie was going through very much the same thought process, her hand clenching and unclenching as she waited for Sarah to come home, the knowledge of what they had to discuss weighing heavily on her mind. She liked Gareth, quite a lot actually, but she couldn't deny that he wasn't the only thing on her mind, how many wants and needs focused around someone else that she couldn't put out of her mind when she was with him. She felt guilt, guilt for having these feelings for someone who she shouldn't have them for, guilt for not telling him the first chance she got. Most of all, she felt guilt for insisting on trying to be happy, when she knew that it wasn't fair to anyone involved, that she would put herself ahead of them and inevitably hurt them in the long run.

  The front door clicked, key turning in the lock and opening, and Maggie felt like her heart was going to thunder out of her chest. She sat up straight in her seat as Sarah walked into the lounge, arms filled with bags from the art supply store down the road, no doubt ready to paint yet another mood. Maggie wondered just what mood it would be after this conversation. "Hey Sarah. I... I need to talk to you about something..."

  "Hey Maggie, how are you?" She set the bags down, shuffling over with a gleeful look of anticipation. "How was your date?"

  "It was good, we had a wonderful time at the movies and..." She shuffled, uncharacteristically shy all of a sudden. "And we kissed at the end."

  Sarah clapped her hands together, bouncing in her seat as she squeezed Maggie's hand, her heart rate shooting up at the contact. "That's so awesome! Are you going to see him again?"

  "I think so... He's really nice, better than I thought he would be." She smiled, remembering the night. "He's so good to talk to, actually listens to what I have to say. He's the most fun I've had with someone since... well, since you actually."

  Sarah blushed, bowing her head at the compliment. "Thank you... If he's anything like me then he probably loved spending time with you." She patted Maggie's hand, squeezing it between her own as she leaned back and sighed happily. "I'm so happy that you've found someone you can be with, you'll have to come out with Keith and I at some point, we can make a whole night of it!"

  Maggie held her head down, not wanting her emotions to show on her face and give her away. She spoke softly, "You're really happy with Keith, aren't you?"

  "Oh god yes." Sarah chuckled, "Honestly I'm happier than I've been in months, he's a lot like Gareth actually, he really listens to me, doesn't just expect me to sit there quietly while he talks."

  "So, you're in this for the long haul then?" Maggie tried to keep the look of dejection from her face and was suddenly thankful that she'd kept her head down.

  "Absolutely, I can't imagine being with anyone else right now." Sarah shook her head happily, unaware of what her friend was feeling at those words. "Sorry, I got us derailed there, what was it you needed to talk about?"

  Maggie took a deep breath, her expression going neutral before she looked up at Sarah's face. She saw how genuinely happy she looked, how positively radiant she was thanks to Keith. Her heart dropped as she opened her mouth and said, "It's nothing important, I've already forgotten what it was." She stood, her back to Sarah as she began to walk to the kitchen. "How do you feel about stir fry for dinner?"

  She couldn't tell her, not now. Sarah didn't deserve that, and neither did Keith, they had both been nothing but wonderful to her the entire time she had known them, and she would not betray them like this. With a heavy heart, she realized that there was one other person that she had been hurting with these feelings, and he too did not deserve to be treated like this. Maggie pulled out her phone and dialled his number.

  "Gareth? Hey, it's Maggie... Yeah, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up sometime tomorrow...?"

  • • •

  Gareth sat on the bench at the park where they had agreed to meet, and every minute that went by had him feeling more and more like he just wanted to melt into the ground. He was not looking forward to having to look into the eyes of the woman who he had grown to like quite a lot and tell her, "Hey, you're a real swell woman. By the way, I'm in love with my best friend, ciao!"

  Somehow, he didn't think this was going to go well.

  When she rounded the corner his heart began to beat in earnest, the mixture of happiness and shame that ignited within him driving him mad, even more so when she greeted him with a wide smile, her entire face lighting up at the sight of him. Seeing her there in front of him, he couldn't help but pull her into his arms and hold her tightly, desperate to feel her closely even if it was just this one last time.

  "Hey," She said, smiling up at him. "Sorry I'm late, just got caught up in some things."

  "Don't worry about it, I actually uh..." He blew out a breath, "It gave me a chance to do some thinking. Do you wanna sit down?"

  She nodded, taking a seat next to him on the bench. "I wanted to talk to you about something as well, but I'm not sure how to start."

  "How about I start?" He grimaced. "I feel like it'll probably change what you have to say, quite honestly."

  "Gareth?" She leaned over, taking his hand in hers. "Gareth what is it? You're kind of scaring me."

  "Just..." He closed his eyes, focusing on the feeling of her skin against his, the way that she squeezed tighter just to remind him that she was there for him. Finally, he opened his eyes, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly through his nose. "I need to tell you something, and I need you to listen to all of it. Can you do that? I know it's selfish but... I need to do this."

  She nodded, gesturing for him to continue.

  He sucked in another breath, before starting. "You're a wonderful woman, honestly you're one of the most interesting, fun people that I've met in years. But me I'm... I'm a piece of shit." He looked away from her, his voice almost whispering, "I like you, I really do but... But you're not the only one."

  Her eyes widened at the news, her brain going a mile a minute trying to figure out exactly what he meant. And why it sounded so much like what she came here to say. Oblivious to all this, Gareth kept speaking, "Fuck I... I thought I would have gotten over it by now, that I would have just found someone else that I could actually be happy with, and I have! But... But those feelings just haven't gone away! If anything, they've just gotten stronger..."

  He trailed off, the moment becoming too much for him. After a few seconds Maggie decided to break her promise, leaning over and cupping his cheek, rubbing her thumb over the skin soothingly. "Hey, come on. You're doing well, you can say the rest..."

  "Goddammit..." He was near tears, but he had to say this, for both their sakes. "I'm in love with Keith, I always have been. Ever since I met him it's just been growing and growing until it was something I couldn't ignore anymore. And now... Now all it's done is hurt you, someone who I thought I could be with, because I'm too fucking stupid to get over these feelings!" Gareth leaned forward, his head planting itself in his hands as he waited, waited for her to tell him how awful he was, how she neve
r wanted to see him ever again, how much he had destroyed her trust in him.

  What he never expected was what she actually said.

  "...You too?"

  His head shot up, seeing her staring at him with wide, watering eyes. "What... What do you mean?"

  "I thought I was the only one who felt like this... It's been... It's been so hard to keep it to myself all these years, not being able to tell anyone how I've felt." She looked up at him, smiling widely even as tears streamed down her cheeks. "But now... Now I've found someone who understands, who really understands."

  "Are you...?" He leaned forward, taking her in his arms and cautiously asking, "You and Sarah?"

  Maggie nodded, tears beginning to stain his shirt, but he refused to let go. "It's been so long." She chuckled, if a little bitterly, "It's funny, you always assume that they'll just wait for you... But you never consider that they have no reason to if they don't know. And that was our problem, wasn't it? Just waiting around until it was too late."

  "Yeah..." He laughed, "We're pretty sad people, aren't we?"

  "I'm not." She wiped her eyes, fixing them on him with a gaze so serious it almost frightened him. "Because it let me meet you. All these years, all that love and all this pain, and I still think it was worth it, because I've gotten to know you." She shrugged. "Maybe this won't ever change. Maybe these feelings that we have for them won't ever go away, and we'll spend every moment we spend with them thinking about how beautiful we could be together." She tightened her hold around him, her head resting in the crook of his neck. "But that doesn't mean we should give this up. I like you, and I think... I think you like me too."

  Slowly, he nodded, a smile stretching across his face. "I do... A lot actually. But are you really ok with staying with me, knowing that I'm still in love with him?"

  "Are you ok with it considering I'm in love with Sarah?"

  It didn't take more than a second of thought before he had his answer. "Yeah, yeah I am ok with it."

  "Then I don't see why we should stop, and I... I would really like to learn even more about you." Maggie shifted, pressing her lips to his so quickly it could have been mistaken as a breath. "I think we deserve the chance to make each other happy."

  Gareth grinned, pulling her lips against his as they let themselves sink into the embrace, the feeling of finally being understood so overwhelming in its intensity that they could scarcely believe it was real. Pulling back, they leaned their foreheads against each other, breathing hard and giggling. Gareth brushed a strand of hair out of her face, immediately sobering. "Do you think that you'll ever tell her?"

  "Honestly?" She sighed, "I probably will one day. I'm just selfish like that I guess, I wish I wasn't but..."

  "It's ok. I... I think I'm probably gonna tell him one of these days too."

  The look that crossed her face was equal parts hopeful and crestfallen, it was certainly the appropriate face for their situation. "Maybe they'll accept it, who knows? We've both got some pretty incredible people as best friends, I don't think it's fair to dismiss them completely. After all... This would be a lot for someone to have to accept don't you think?"

  "And if they don't accept it? If they just freak out and we spend the next six months treading on eggshells around them hoping we don't fuck up further?"

  She laughed, "Well, it wouldn't go that badly, they're more accepting than that but... If they don't accept it, if they just reject us and say that they want to still be friends, a feeling that would totally be justified then..." She squeezed her arms around his neck once more. "Then I'll be here for you, and you'll be there for me. How does that sound?"

  He closed his eyes, letting the feeling of absolute peace wash over him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her hair tickling where it was blowing into his face, the wind washing over the both of them and flooding his senses with the perfume she was wearing... He took a deep breath, sighing contently. "I think that sounds just about perfect Maggie."

  Five

  —

  Anna and Skylar

  Anna was pretty happy with her lot in life, wake up, open up at the coffee house, make some coffee then go home. Far as she was concerned, things could be a lot worse.

  But she was lonely, and it was getting harder and harder for her to deny that. Especially since, much to her chagrin, every person that got coffee at her business was slowly but surely pairing up. Not exactly the best conditions for one to continue denying their desire for companionship.

  Whether it was pushing Sarah and Keith out when they had spent all day up till closing talking, or all but prying Maggie and Gareth off each other so that they don't fog up the windows in the back, she was constantly faced with reminders that she was missing out on a certain part of life, and though she didn't need to be with anyone except herself, it would sure make the cold nights just a little bit warmer.

  Of course, all of her customers were off limits, not just because they were, well... Customers, but because they were either rapidly going off the market or soon to be off, which left very little in the way of a viable dating pool.

  Which left her here, once more sitting behind the counter as she made yet another latte for yet another prospective couple, the only solace being the Three Musketeers sitting off to the side and laughing at whatever inside jokes they had with each other. She supposed it was only a matter of time till some of them paired up, but for now it was nice to have someone who could serve as inoffensive background noise.

  "There you go, that's three dollars." She leaned over to the female of the pair, whispering so that her date didn't hear. "I even threw in a cookie for free, might loosen him up a little bit."

  The girl, who moments before had been fussing over herself and making sure she looked immaculate, visibly relaxed, a thankful smile crossing her face. "Thank you." She mouthed, collecting both of their coffees and walking outside. Which left Anna alone with her thoughts. Again.

  Actually, it wasn't that she didn't want someone to be with, her busy schedule just wouldn't allow it. Yes, that was it, not her crippling lack of successful relationships, not her inability to hold a genuine conversation that involved opening herself up unless it involved at least three drinks. "No," She thought as she took inventory of all her stock, absentmindedly chewing on a cookie. "It's because my schedule is too full."

  Deep down, way down in the part of herself that recognized why exactly she was scared of intimacy, she wondered just why she was holding herself back, what exactly she had to lose by just... Taking a chance, putting herself out there and experiencing something new with someone different. Looking down at the still noticeable tan line on her ring finger, she knew exactly why she wasn't putting herself out there, though even she could see that excuse was wearing itself thin. She was twenty-seven, her marriage had been over for two years now, it was about time for her to move on.

  Everyone else certainly had.

  So, what did she really have to lose? A few dollars on drinks and some temporary embarrassment? She'd already lost more than that in three years of marriage, if anything this might just feel just like old times. At the very least she could get a few drinks and end up taking someone home for the night, there were far worse ways that she could spend her Wednesday night.

  So, it was with that decision in mind that she once more ejected Gareth and Maggie from the premises before turning the sign around, walking behind the counter and opening the door to her upstairs apartment. If she was going to go out, she wasn't going to look desperate, she was going to throw on a decent jacket, a not completely worn out pair of jeans, maybe just slightly more tidied up than she usually was. If someone wasn't going to be attracted to her when she was dressed like she normally was, then what was the point?

  She tossed item after item of clothing aside to find what she considered to be the perfect representation of her. She'd forgotten just how difficult it actually was to dress like yourself, turns out it was more than just picking out any random shirt and pair of pants that were hang
ing in your closet, you had to put actual work into your appearance.

  Anna wasn't sure she was a fan of that.

  Finally, she was satisfied with a pair of black jeans topped with a red button up that she'd gone years without wearing, she was honestly surprised that it even still fit. Combine that with the only clean black jacket she had, and she was suddenly reminded of her goth days back in high school. She shrugged to herself, she always was a fan of how she looked back then.

  She mainly forfeited any serious makeup, the standard amount of mascara that she wore every day anyway was enough for her. She was going to a bar, not walking down the red carpet.

  Time must have flown by when she was picking out her outfit, given that she closed up the shop at five o'clock and was stepping out at eight, the night air washing lightly over her face as she breathed in deeply. She was really doing this, really getting herself out there again after all these years. She looked down at the hand still clutched around the door handle, knuckles white as she thought over what exactly she was doing. There was still time for her to reconsider, still time to go upstairs, undress and watch reruns of the Deadliest Catch like every other Wednesday. The thought was very tempting.

  The very fact that a thought like that was tempting was enough to convince her to let go and lock the door, turning around and walking confidently off into the night. She hailed a cab, not arrogant enough to assume that she would be able to drive safely after a few drinks, and even if she could she would hopefully not be driving back in her own car anyway. She might have thought that she was getting ahead of herself, but she wasn't blind, nor was she completely self-loathing, she knew that she was attractive. She wasn't so confident as to call herself ten out of ten material, but she did notice the looks that had been thrown her way by at least three quarters of the men she had come to know, even by Aisha on one occasion, something she would never let her live down.